slowly learning to let go

it's always been said that when life gives you limes, put them in your corona...or lemons in your lemonade...whatever. 
makes me sad to confess, that life has finally handed me an entire crate full of "limes". it's the hard times that you're forced to go through that determine whether you are going to sink or swim, and i don't know about the rest of you, but it's a damn good feeling when you throw yourself out there and realize that you were a better swimmer than you thought !

learning to be the person you were meant to be is a crucial part of figuring out what it means to truly live. however, that may come in the form of losing a job, losing a relationship or simply learning that those around you are not those who are going to lift you up when you need it most. recently, i have come to the realization that i am being tested in ever aspect of my life. while i have an amazing job and an amazing family, everything else is being held to the flames. some things i have had to let go of, but in the grand scheme of things, we have all had to do that at one point or another. sometimes you are able to choose what you get to hold on to and others choose for you. i've had the unfortunate, yet fortunate just the same, choices to make lately in regards to my personal life that i just wasn't prepared for...which brings me to this: are we ever truly prepared for life altering events? no matter how much we believe we are ready for, when shit hits the fan, it never really pans out the way i envisioned it. coming to terms with how quickly your life can change can be devastating, scary and downright nauseating. picking up the pieces of the life you lived yesterday to try to piece them into today is a whole new mess of worms.

you (i) have to remember that it's okay not to know what the hell you're doing. it's okay that your beliefs may not be the beliefs of others. it's okay that you are who you are and that won't be enough to satisfy everyone.
                          keep your head up.

how cliche is that ? keep your head up.. when i feel like the weight of the world is slowly crashing in on me, how is it that i have the ability to stand every morning ? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE DO. that's how we grow. that's how we learn to let go.

stay as positive as possible.
learn to laugh at what would normally aggravate you.
accept the fact that all good things must come to an end.
don't let yourself go.
layer your mascara more than you did yesterday.
pick up a healthy habit.
take a drive and talk to yourself, reminding you of who you want to be.
be happy about tomorrow.
be thankful. always.

you can lock a man and a dog in a trunk for 3 days--be the person your dog thinks you are when you open that trunk...not the man waiting to beat your ass for doing such a thing.



this was more for me that it was for you. just what i needed.






cheers.

a few of my favorites

it's hard to break things down in your life that would qualify as 'favorites', but that doesn't mean that i won't attempt to name, explain and share a few of them. the list is as they come in my head, one is no greater than the other, except the first-because it should and always will be my favorite among favorites.

1. my God. i grew up in church, participated in all of the youth activities, volunteered in the nursery, enjoyed bible studies, and saw myself as a strong christian. most people go through a point in life when they are no longer made to do things that once fit into the routine of your family. when you grow up, move out and are making a life for yourself, you let go of things that were once a priority and start to notice that you make other things that once took a backseat in life, your priority amongst all others. i strayed from church for a few years after i graduated. i'd go every now and then, but for the most part, i was slowly letting go of what i had. after a few ups and downs, i found myself feeling the ever-present need of being in church, needing a church family. i started visiting a few churches and after a while i found one that completely wrapped me up and made me one of their own. after about a month of attending services and getting back into my bible, my job changed the schedule where now i have to work on sunday mornings, strongly disturbing my soon to be routine that i had missed so much. although i can no longer attend church services, i am greatful to know my God will not give up on me. he has overseen the many, many struggles and tragedies my life has held and never once did i feel alone. he raises me up even when the weight of the world wants to hold me down.

2. my family. of course family is a favorite, who doesn't love the feeling of being in a family. my family consists of not only blood and marriage, but of friendships as well. if you are in my life, you are in my family. i will do whatever i can to help you, from helping furnish your living space to being there for you to vent all your frustrations out on. you can expect a gift on all holidays and my opinion even when you don't want it. not everyone is fortunate enough to have brother and sisters, and when you're an only child like i am, you depend on your friends to be the closest things to siblings they can. i am beyond blessed with the family i have.

3. speaking of family, my pups are family too. as long as i can remember, i've always had a pet. they are the final element to complete a family. whether i live alone or with not, molly and mya will always be there, every step of the way. no one is every as happy to see my as those girls are. and i am always just as happy to see them.

4. the fact that i am not who i used to be. when i was in high school, i loved who i was. i was different, i hung out with different people and i did different things. looking back, i know now that what should have been the best times of my life, were in reality, the saddest. i love who i am now, i love the somewhat normalcy my life holds, i love the job that i have and that i'm fortunate enough to be able to help those who need it most, although i lost friendships after high school, i love that i have gained such beautiful souls as friends in my life now that i can only be thankful for my past because it brought me to my present.

-blah! so much seriousness...so not what i intended-

5. cooking. i loooooove to cook. i may not be chef material, but i love being in the kitchen. don't get me wrong, i can whip up some pretty amazing things, but i cannot stray from a recipe. i can't go into the kitchen and just make whatever you want, i have to have step by step, explain-what-a-pinch-is, vegetable oil or olive oil directions. i always have a plan b if my recipe doesn't go as planned, but there is nothing better than spending hours in the kitchen preparing a meal that tastes and looks like a $50 way-too-fancy restaurant meal.

6. funky, crazy, doesn't-go-with-anything nail polish. pretty much sums that up.

7. ranch dressing.

8. reading. i've never been much of a reader until the past couple of years. however, now i can't read enough. there's nothing better than getting so deep in a book that once it ends you sort of feel like your living the lives of the characters. driving your car through town now feels like i'm on some sort of life or death mission, even looking in my side mirror feels dangerous. walking through the grocery store feels like i'm dodging the eyes of people who are after me. (i can't be the only one who feels this way...but if i am, it's alright to judge me.)

9. hot hot hot hot showers. i want to get out of the shower and my skin be so red it looks like i'm sunburnt.

10. any kind of adrenaline rush. i'm not an adrenaline junkie, however nothing beats the feeling of your heart about to burst out of your chest right before the roller coaster drops off, or right after you severely swerved to miss the dog that ran out into the middle of the road directly in your path. 

11. anything handwritten. i know i've mentioned my love for handwritten things in a past post, but no present or proclamation of feeling can be more meaningful to me that something i can keep for years and years to come. i love writing to people as much as i love to receive them. with the world being so technologically sound these days, no one really writes anything anymore. it's all emails or text messages and cards simply consist of a signature. that breaks my heart.

12. my ability to separate myself from the real world. notice i didn't make any of that bold? it's not a favorite i'm particularly proud of being proud of. at work, i deal with people who are going through the toughest, most depressing, most angry, most tragic times of their life...being able to separate myself makes me able to stay calm, stay rational and get you all the help you need. absolutely love my job.

13. blogging. i may not have followers or comments or anyone to read what i write...but it doesn't stop me from writing. there's no purpose behind it, there's no specific fulfillment i get from it, i just like to do it.

the list could go on forever, but for now i am finished... work beckons me, the apple i finished 30 minutes ago is browning, i need to feed the dogs and my laptop is getting so hot my legs are burning.

cheers.

word of the day: sporadic

instead of keeping this a diy blog, i think i will turn it into a whatever-i-feel-like-today blog. the 'olives' in life aren't just tangible things, they are feelings, opinions and emotions too. i will lay out my bats-in-the-belfry, can't-remember-what-i-did-yesterday, omg-where's-my-wine thoughts here. you will come to realize - and hopefully love - that i will carry no filter and i will carry no remorse. however, i will carry a smile and maybe share a few cyber laughs with you. so, here we go...by the way, this is the last chance for you to grab your wine.....let's get to know each other here...

if i could define myself in one word, it would be sporadic.

Sporadic: having no pattern or order in time

i cannot keep my mind on track and it leads me to different doors everyday. some i regret opening, others i kick open like a cop on a drug raid. 

i know everyone knows at least one person who makes you feel like you are participating in a daily popularity contest. 10 times out of 10 this person is someone you work with...unless you own your own business and are the only one employed. she wants to be the loudest, wants (or attempts) to be the funniest and wears makeup like she's about to walk down the runway. 

-let's be real here- everyone, even i, have those tendencies. especially when i wake up and my hair does exactly what i want it to and my jeans don't feel as snug. but that shit doesn't happen DAILY, and you don't have anyone fooled into thinking that it does. get it together. come to work, do your job and be normal. i know hannah montana miley is preaching for you to be original, but please don't end up making out with a mallet. 

...speaking of mallets...what the hell?! please tell me you have seen the video, PLEASE tell me you found it enticing repugnant. 

now i'm queezy, on to the next...

i got into my car tonight after work without letting it run for the last 15 minutes of my shift.. not thinking that it is -349587 degerees outside..and literally was so cold that turning the steering wheel was almost unbearable. which made me think..what if you were able to tell your car where you wanted to go and it automatically (and safely) take you there. i'm sure there are prototypes in the making because hello, this is 2014, however i'd really rather not spend $100,000+ on my vehicle. i just want to be able to get in it when it's freezing and tell it where to take me. then maybe when i get there, it could provide me with an umbrella if it's raining or sunglasses if it's sunny. you can just call me alice, follow me down the rabbit hole...

WOAH.

WOAH.

WOAH. he just walked in with bean dip, i gotta go.

cheers.